I do sometimes entertain the idea of what it would feel like to know independence.(year, month even a week) You see all my life I have had to rely on others to be secure, well and have some of my needs met. Gleaning words of hope to make it to the next moment.

People are not as kind or help to people with chronic illnesses.With that said, I have also endure their options of what to do, OH- and what I needed to do to get myself better ( medication has help, I believe God uses even that for his purpose), who to listen to, how I got in the state I was in. NOT FUN by the way. I was born with my condition; had my first attack at 6 weeks old. This lead to much pain in my life.  Thinking I was really crazy, because I was making myself ill and causing others not to live a full life because they were taking care of me.

Such news can be very devastating to hear when you are a child growing up. But with time for the medical community to catch up and God allowing me to see myself through his eyes. I am still one of those people who falls through the cracks for assistance. Depending on what day it is (mainly feeling isolate) I handle that fact ok.

But the Struggle is not allowing the enemy of my soul and the haters in exclusion to dictate who God sees me to be. As I seek in this new adventure in my life (finding where I fix in the big picture), I find I am learning there is volumes in silence. Not just being still, but resting in the silence while still while He is with me. The fellowship of His Presence is spectacularly moving, as I am aware that He sees me. Knows me. Invaluable to Him. Touches my spirit. I am not invisible to Him,  who had me in His heart from the beginning of time and He WANTS to be with me. He Loves Me.

So, feeling at times  abandon, widowed, orphaned, like I have the plague, invisible, plus wanting some independence at this time to make decisions of my own.

It has lead me to learn, to Trust and Depend On the One who loves me best. He knows where I am what I need and says I am His.

So in this space I am love

Well,
I find myself once again alone. A strange place to be again looking in the mirror of singularity. Finding myself not really busy but uncluttered and fruitful. I have however made some changes. Still having issues with technology, but learning and kicking in the 21st now.

I Don't remember if I said I'm a writer. A writer of children stories- unpublished- but a writer nun the
less. I can't remember not writing even as a moody child. I have been approach by people who will help you self publish "FOR A FEE", I shall never have. People on very fixed incomes can only dream of that. Someone told me not to do that (self publish), but I know people who have. BUT not children stories. Maybe I will put one of my stories on here, just to get it out. I wish I had mentor who knows how to get things published.

Well, I take that back; along time ago one of my stories was published with a flaw in an adult school publication. I went to the class to climb out of a pit of depression (classic therapeutic move). military wife far from home in poor health and feeling overwhelmed with the duties of life. In the Bay Area Adult Public Education was encouraged where I my family were living. I don't know what the reasoning was on the militaries part, but I and another military mom went (girls night out, we saved so we could have a babysitter). Math and English, either of which I had and issue with (my grandmother said "hmmmm:) I went for a moment to just hit pause  for  two hours. half hour there, hour for classes, half hour home. Did not get to go back after the quarter duty call my husband else where, Military life has a lot of challenges.

I digressed again LAUGH OUT LOUD (LOL)
I have an Ipad now-giggles.
I am using my PC Laptop to look at YouTube to earn how to use it, LOL. I go get it out of the room I pray in and go class, my favorite part of my self imposed class is the " REPLY Button" LOL LOL
Well at least I am learning.
My friend told me "Wait till you get to the Apps. You will love them"
UHG

ages & ages and some more time

Well it has been a while LOL ain't that the truth-giggles
Let's see what's new.
Has anyone ever gotten a rescue dog? Well I did I am suppose to be finding her a home-hmmm
The longer she stays the more attached me and my other dog get, Both are puppies; Zoey is now 9 months old and Harley 11 1/2  months old. Harley is fixed so no puppies are going to happen on my watch (Amen). Zoey is 6.6lbs and her favorite place to rest is in your arms( I call her my pack on sweet potatoes) she is stubborn,. Training is happening but slowly, unlike my poodle who learned quickly. My goodness girl dogs are not laid back, and becoming Alpha is going to take more resolve on my part if she is going to be here long. in other words I am learning more about myself, duh :)

Well it has been a long time

It is funny how my mind works at times. Life has caught up with me and that small whisper in the back of my mind was reminding me I have a blog. So on the hunt I went to see if I could remember where in the heck was my password. Well after retyping everything 6 times here I am. Tah-dah. Yep! I'm old and forgetting tools I have set up to releave stress, which stresses me out more-ggigles. But there is a light at the end of a blog tunnel I forgot and remembered. I made it back here and now know my brain isn't as far gone as I thought. time to write things down so I can get back here.
Good Lord I am my Grandmaw- LOL

Blessings yall

The Power Within

Well I went and did it, I am taking 3 new classes.
All at Differnet Places and at different times, and guess what?
They are all on the same topic ... The Holy Spirit. (smile)
I just love it when God is clear about what He wants.
You do not have to hit me with a 2 by 4, well, not that hard anyway-giggle.
see you next month

Walk in The Word and be Encouraged

The Journey

Life is a journey to discover how to be home no matter where you are. Why?
Because you are the common denominator no matter where you go;
my Grandmaw told me this a long time ago.
Therefore, Don't run from anything or anyone.
Stand your ground in "The Truth" and integrity,
because stuff aways happens, then passes away.
People who are ment to be in your life never leave your heart.
And others who have hurt you are not worth putting yourself in prison for.
Do not let those kind of people win. Think about it, self inflicted prisons may sheild
you from pain for a while. But not to be able to breath in joy and share the essence
for existence, is ridiculous. "To be loved and love back" is what most people want.
This kind of prison will put you on the other side of the sod before your time.

Love God and love people anyhow. (as the old timers say)

It is the right thing to do, and the love you give will be your legacy.
Everyone remembers being touched by love, even when it is undeserved.

Meditate on Jesus for a second.

The life's journey may be bumpy but you will have lived a life, if you love.
Besides you will always be in the line of sight of God.
And God always Loves you.
We are all on a collision course to real love in Eternity.
I hope I see you there.
Thank you Lord, I can always count on You.
(sigh of contenment)

Changes!

Sometimes I think change is a very scary thing for me.
I find I am getting set in my ways, but somethings got to give.
So I am going to try and take better care of myself with
a little help for the doctor. I will find out if I qualify to go
under the knife soon. If I do no one will really know what
happen until they see me with more energy than they can handle-smile
No it is not a face lift or anything like that. Although after loosing much
of my hair, I wish there was something out there where
 I did not have to wear wigs all of the time. (it can get spendy)
Anyway with a little more time on my hand, I will more than likely be
here lamenting over having to work through pain.
At this this kind of pain will be of my choosing.
And I am looking forward to not taking so much medicine.